I appreciate

I was supposed to go to Davao. My boss asked me to attend a seminar there. But due to "gender issue", I had to back out. The chief of our office approved only three participants for the seminar. It so happen that the two participants were males. Which means, there's only one slot remaining for either Lyn or me (the only female participants). But we didn't want to go without each other. So, we both declined. They had to find another male employee to replace us. We forfeited the chance of a free trip, but I guess that's ok (not quite, though). I might not enjoy the company of the male species, anyway.

I do appreciate that despite the bad blood happened between me and my boss (our director) last year, he still gives me privileges like this (being sent to a seminar). And I know it is a surprise for the people here. Last time, he recommended me as the assistant treasurer for the Provident Fund. Nobody spoke any word about it, but I get the meaning of their silence. They were a little surprised, and a little jealous maybe. Well, the only person that commented about it was my other boss (our division head). She said, she did not expect him to give me privileges after the heated arguments we had last year. I didn't expect it myself, either. It's a privilege that he could have given to a person loyal to him and will do anything to kiss his ass. Me, the "maldita", who embarassed him in front of the assembly when I refused that he be the one to answer my query ( stories about this next time). Me, who argued with him when he confronted me about the protests and black movement ( oh, I wasn't part of black movement..funny.. More stories about this, too). I have my reasons, and they may be legitimate. But my actions were, one way or another, disrespectful. So I don't expect these privileges and respect he's giving me despite. Most of the time, I detest his authority (although I can notice some good changes in him). But, I want to give him credit for not taking things against me. I appreciate the respect that he gives and for still believing in my capabilities .

Yet, I'm still wary.

I will write all that happened last year. I know it's not easy to go back to. Those were bad memories I'd rather forget. Some monsters from my past that made me hide under my bed. Maybe I need to write them for some reason. To heal or maybe to understand.