excommunicated

My brother's life is in bad shape right now. Maybe out of desperation, they made me enter into a compromise without my knowledge. I was angry and I refused to help. Not only because I felt violated but also because the favor they were asking was too much for me. Now they are utterly dismayed. He was upset, and so was my mother. My other siblings say they understand. But I wish I could just care less. Am I bad or good, I hope it's not of any importance. But the thing is, I care and am deeply affected. Just as they are, I am dismayed. I am hurt. But more than anything, I feel guilty. Blaming myself for the misfortune that I could have caused my brother.

I stood by what I think is right. If it makes me a selfish and bad sister, then I don't know what else to do, because I will still stand by my decision. I am their family. But above all else, I am a mother and the welfare of my kids is my main concern. Is it that difficult to comprehend?

Last night I told hubby "Ingatan mo sarili mo. Kayo na lang pamilya ko". We laughed. But inside me, I meant it. I feel disowned, really.